The Ghost of Me is Haunted by Itself
by aikakone
Summary: [After 2x06] Harry starts having dreams about Macy with details he can't possibly know.


_It's the feel of fingers across bare skin. They move so slowly to memorize every inch. The vague coconut smell of her hair as the wind moves around her. She is perfect, and she leans against him. So close. Almost a kiss._

Harry wakes up, the start of a headache. The Charmed Ones have barely made any progress in their various tasks. Mel is obsessed with rebuilding the Book of Shadows. Maggie works so hard that she falls asleep at the presence of a pillow under her head. Macy might be sleeping, but Harry wouldn't know because she's not talking to him.

He thought they'd gotten over their awkwardness. He should forget that he had feelings for her. Those feelings do him no good, and Macy doesn't act like she ever wanted him for more than their whitelighter. They were never meant to be, and if a feeling is ignored long enough, it will go away.

He can orb now, which makes moving back and forth to the command center easier. They still travel to rescue witches by way of the portals. It conserves energy and gives them possibilities of escape.

* * *

One night after saving a pair of witches in Arizona, Harry doesn't make it to his room. He's out like the proverbial light on the sofa. He'll deny that he snores if any of the girls ask.

_Her body against his feels perfect. His hands don't have to roam, but he knows every movement of hers. They dance, their bodies shifting in time, and it's easy to imagine them locked in a more intimate embrace with her red dress on the floor and her body under his in silk sheets._

Harry's eyes open as the weight of guilt and recrimination falls down upon him. On a floor above him, she would be sleeping. Her hair falling around her like the beauty she is. Not an angel. Something much more realistic.

He can't let himself be distracted by the thoughts that come to him whenever he tries to sleep. He can't control his own dreams. If Harry could, he would do exactly that.

* * *

A few days later after Harry and Mel worked on the Book of the Elders together, they make one more breakthrough. A protection charm. Maybe they can share this with some of the witches. Mel wants to make charms for all the witches and deliver them. She visits Katrina, leaving Harry alone. Again.

He's not been sleeping well. He hasn't for days. His eyes fall. Of course, they do. They were always going to.

_He's cooking for her, something that will be delicious. Just so he can see the fork bring it to her alluring lips. The corners of her mouth fascinate him. How can corners be such a thing of beauty? On her, they are. And he approaches her, too tempted to touch her. He stops himself but placing his finger on her lips. Her demon sizzle runs from that point of contact all the way through him. _

_He's interested, and everything about him is awake. It's not time to show her this, but he wants to. Those brown eyes and the hair that tempts him to touch and wrap around his fingers. She is absolutely exquisite._

_Underneath her skin, she flushes because she is pulled to him, too. He knows she's attracted to him. Macy wants him._

Maggie calls out to him, and thank the goddess, Harry has a reason to escape from his dream. This dream has details about her that he can't know.

He has loved Macy from afar. He wasn't sure when it crept to love because it's not proper. Not done. That was the convenient excuse. She had Galvin for a time, and he had his own illicit relationship with Charity.

How did that one thing survive from his human life into him being a whitelighter? Maybe Harry and James before him never did know how to have a good relationship.

None of this is important. He orbs to Maggie.

Five hours later, they have successfully exorcised a lesser demon from Jordan's gym and somehow managed to keep him from discovering the truth of their adventures. Maggie acts like she wants to tell him, but Mel gives her the sisterly help for her resolve. Macy comes near, and the three sisters have the first good hug in days.

Harry steps back. He doesn't need to be part of that hug. It was the four of them once, and it's still the four of them. But he needs to stay away. What was it the catchy song said? "Conceal. Don't feel."

Don't. Just don't.

He should go visit Helen.

* * *

Harry makes it to a bed this time. And when he sleeps he gets the entire vision.

_Cooking for Macy. Touching Macy. Dancing with Macy as her hand moves down his back to the curve of his bottom. She touches him and he feels her body against his as her fragrance fills his nose. They move to his favorite song. _

_Macy is the woman he wants. The woman he can't have. His epitome of all that is lovely in the world. Her lips on his would taste so sweet. They are so close. So close…_

When Harry wakes up this time, he's not embarrassed or angry. He understands now. These aren't false desires.

Jimmy is back.

He has to put his feelings in a box and warn the sisters.


End file.
